


The Things We Should've Done

by Akiko_Natsuko



Series: Fraxus [43]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Canon Divergent, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Forgiveness, Friendship/Love, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Promises, Regret, Serious Injuries
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-04
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:33:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23014816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_Natsuko/pseuds/Akiko_Natsuko
Summary: Freed had made so many mistakes since returning to Magnolia. He should have spoken up when the doubts had first crept in, or when the tide had started to turn against them. He should have stopped before hurting anyone. And he had underestimated them. He had failed himself, the guild, and Laxus – because his was the only voice that might have made the Dragon-slayer hesitate before starting this madness, but he hadn’t spoken up, and the Raijinshuu had followed his example.
Relationships: Laxus Dreyar/Freed Justine
Series: Fraxus [43]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1188706
Comments: 10
Kudos: 72





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please note that if you want to talk to me about my fics and writing, or anime/shows/games in general then you can now find me on discord [The Unholy Trinity](https://discord.gg/6sSddAWa5c).

There wasn’t a single part of Freed’s body that didn’t hurt as he limped towards Kardia Cathedral, praying that he would make it in town. But that pain paled in comparison to the ache in his chest as he looked up, the Thunder Palace was gone, smoke and sparks still filling the sky above the city, before turning his attention back to the Cathedral and Laxus. _I should have spoken up._ He had made so many mistakes since returning to Magnolia. He should have spoken up when the doubts had first crept in, or when the tide had started to turn against them. He should have stopped before hurting anyone. And he had underestimated them. He had failed himself, the guild, and Laxus – because his was the only voice that might have made the Dragon-slayer hesitate before starting this madness, but he hadn’t spoken up, and the Raijinshuu had followed his example. He needed to talk to them once this was over, apologise and release them if that was what they wanted, but for now, he needed to stop Laxus before it was too late, and the other man did something irreversible.

He was close enough to see the doors, and hear Laxus’ voice raised in anger, trying to speed up despite the protests from his aching, throbbing bodies. He’d barely made it half a dozen steps, before golden light spilt out from the doors and windows of the Cathedral, rushing towards him, a dazzling, overwhelming wave of light and magic that washed over him, stealing his breath. He knew this magic, and something tore and splintered in his heart., defeat washing over him.

He was too late.

 _Laxus, I’m sorry…_ The apology was half-formed, almost lost beneath the roar of the magic, and it took Freed a moment to realise that there was no pain, no threat in the magic that wrapped around him. Instead, it was warm and welcoming. Protective. It reminded him of how Laxus had been before the anger had first taken root and started to twist everything, including them, and for a moment he closed his eyes, wanting to lose himself in that feeling if just for a moment.

The feeling lingered even as the light faded away, and Freed opened his eyes, a spark of hope bubbling up in his chest. If that was Laxus’ magic, his Fairy Law, then maybe everything wasn’t lost, and he forced himself forwards, staggering up the steps to the Cathedral, his heart hammering in his chest. The scene inside was a mess, but his attention was riveted on the crouched figures of Gajeel and Natsu, and Levy hiding off to the side, relief gripping him and forcing him to grasp the doorframe for support. He wasn’t too late, but it was clear that Laxus wasn’t ready to back down as he turned his attention to the Dragon-slayer who was staring at his hands, confused and furious, his magic still lashing through the air.

“They were hit by all that magical energy…”

Freed winced at that. Knowing that if the spell hadn’t been able to read what lay in the depths of Laxus’ heart, then it would have been too late. And that the damage that they had already done to the guild would have been like a drop in the ocean. His stomach churned at the thought, remembering Mira’s words, Juvia’s sacrifice and Cana’s rage, and he forced himself to straighten, praying that his voice wouldn’t betray that as he called out to Laxus. “All the guild members and citizens are unharmed.” Blue eyes snapped towards him, and he braced himself, realising that at this moment he was standing on the wrong side of the line, and hating the fact that right now, he didn’t know if Laxus would still listen to him. 

“Freed…”

“Not a single person has been taken out,” Freed lifted his voice, knowing that the others would want to hear that too, seeing Levy clutching at her heart as some of the tension bled from the other Dragon-slayers’ shoulders. But he didn’t take his eyes of Laxus as the other man stiffened, lightning crackling around him as his hands curled into fists, and Freed found himself bracing for an attack, finding little relief when Laxus just growled out a furious denial.

“That’s not possible! My Fairy Law was flawless!”

Was that a waver? A hint of doubt? Freed wasn’t sure, hoping, but not sure whether he was just hearing what he wanted to hear. He had become very good at that he realised, but that had to stop, for his sake, for the guild’s sake and for Laxus’s sake and he pulled himself up straight. “It was because of the nature of your heart, Laxus _,_ ” he smiled slightly, relieved that he could at least say that much now, a glimmer of the boy that Freed had first met all those years ago shining through. Laxus was staring at him, still furious, but unmoving and Freed hoped that the Dragon-slayer was actually listening to him, as he pressed forward, determined to speak up and be heard. “You inherited more than just strength and magic power from our master. You also learned to feel for your comrades. But Fairy Law only affects those the caster considers the enemy. I assume you understand what that means, Laxus.” Laxus’ eyes had always been more expressive than the Dragon-slayer knew, and Freed could see the dawning realisation, even as Laxus tried to hide it, his words striking home.

“His spell saw what was really in his heart,” Levy whispered, and Freed glanced at her and nodded when she met his gaze, before swinging his attention back to Laxus who had gone still at her words.

“You can’t lie to magic, Laxus,” Freed continued voice soft. That was a lesson he had forgotten too, until he’d felt his own magic hesitate in the fight against Mirajane, pressing down on his throbbing arm, the pain steadying him as he met Laxus’ eyes, refusing to back down this time or look away. “That means these are your true feelings.” _And I didn’t see them,_ he thought, knowing that he was as to blame for this mess as the Dragon-slayer, because he hadn’t spoken up, or see the truth behind the anger, and now look at them, they…

“N-No! Everyone who stands in my way is the enemy!” Laxus growled cutting through his thoughts, and Freed’s heart sank as the Dragon-slayer’s voice rose in a shout, defiant, the storm of magic around him building higher again. “They’re my enemy!” The Dragon-slayer was slipping again, the anger winning out and Freed stepped forward, abandoning the support of the door frame and willing his legs not to give way beneath him as he tried desperately to get through to him.

“It’s time to cease this, Laxus. Go and see our master now.”

“I-I don’t give a damn about that old man!” Freed heard the lie in his voice, even as Laxus started to tremble. It was just how Freed had sounded when he’d tried to convince them that he didn’t care about what had happened to his father, before storming off to confront Makarov about his decision. _He still cares._ He had just started to hope, to relax, when Laxus drew himself up to his full height, the air around him coming alive with electricity as his eyes went wild, whatever control he’d had snapping, pushed from too many directions _._ “I’m me! I ain’t Grandpa’s grandkid! I’m Laxus!”

“Laxus…”

Freed wanted to tell him that he had never seen Laxus as Makarov’s grandson, even with the promise that he’d given the Guild master years ago. That he had always been ‘Laxus’ to him, and to the Raijinshuu, but the words wouldn’t come as he felt the full weight of the Dragon-slayer’s magic pressing against him.

“Everyone knows…” It was a different voice that broke the silence that had fallen in the wake of Laxus’ declaration, and Freed’s gaze snapped to Natsu who had pushed himself back to his feet, already showing the signs of having gone head to head with Laxus, but undaunted as his magic snapped out to match Laxus’ who had whirled around him to face that.“Don’t get a big head, you idiot! Does being Gramps’ grandkid make you that high and mighty?! Does it make you that different?! Quit howling just because of that petty crap! Everyone in our guild is family! You know that!” It was painfully close to what Mira had said to him after their fight and Freed closed his eyes for a moment. _How did we all manage to forget that?_ It had been one of the reasons he had joined Fairy Tail, wanting something that he’d never had even wit his own family, and it had been how he’d found Laxus, Bickslow and Evergreen, forging them all into the Thunder Legion, and yet somehow that feeling, that message had become lost.

“What would you know?” Laxus demanded, and Freed heard the shift in his voice and in that instant, he knew that words were no longer enough to get through to the Dragon-slayer. He’d heard Laxus angry more times than he could count, but not like this, a raging storm contained in those four words, and he couldn’t help but lower his head as he shivered under the weight of the magic. _I was too late. I wasn’t enough._ It was another failure, this one heavier than all the others as he watched Laxus take a threatening step towards Natsu, lightning and fire lashing against one another, the pressure almost enough to bring him to his knees.

“Since when do comrades have to know everything about each other?!” Natsu was undaunted, and Freed was almost envious of him at that moment. “Not knowing is why they lend each other a helping hand, LAXUS!” It was the Fire Mage who moved first, lunging forward as he howled Laxus’ name, and Freed flung up a hand to protect himself as the Lightning Mage met the attack with a roar of his own.

“Shut up, Natsu!”

The impact devastated the Cathedral, dozens of windows exploding outwards as they clashed again and again, before rocketing upwards, the ceiling nothing more than a minor impediment as they took to the sky. Freed was the first to make it outside, his heart hammering in his chest as he watched the pair slugging it out above the Cathedral. Natsu was holding his own against Laxus for now, but Freed knew that it couldn’t last. They’d stayed away from the guild, training and building the strength, but even he and the Raijinshuu had never seen Laxus fighting all out because there had never been a need, and that was without adding Laxus’ rage to the mix, fuelling his magic beyond anything Freed had ever seen before.

As though mirroring his thoughts, Laxus propelled himself forwards, lightning reinforcing his fist as he smashed it into Natsu’s cheek forcing the other Dragon-slayer back. “Get out of my way!” It was a blow that would have taken most people out of the fight, but Natsu rallied, fire wrapped around his foot as he kicked out at Laxus.

“I will stop you!” Gajeel and Levy were with him now, but Freed couldn’t take his eyes off the fight, knowing that Laxus was teetering on a narrow edge that he hadn’t been able to pull him away from. There was a pang of something, disbelief maybe? Envy? He couldn’t quite put a finger on it, all that he knew was that his heart was twisting with each word that Natsu was shouting at Laxus. The words that he should have been saying. That he should have said a dozen times before all of this had happened. He hated that he hadn’t and that he wasn’t the way saying them now, but at the same time, he was willing Laxus to listen to what Natsu was saying. “I’ll die before I let you have the guild because it’s home to us!”

There was nothing, no hesitation, no wavering in the crackling magic surround Laxus, as though the lightning was burning off the words before they could reach them. The next few seconds passed in a blur, the two of them lashing out at one another, Freed flinching with each impact, knowing that this equilibrium couldn’t last. He missed the blow that proved him right, eyes wide as he took in the crumbling bricks and smoke rising into the air, losing sight of Natsu for a second. _Laxus, don’t do this…_ They could still come back from what they had done, Mira’s promise about the autumn festival ringing in his ears, but if this continued, if Laxus didn’t stop. He was moving forward, with no idea of what he was going to do, just that he had to do something when Laxus slammed into the gap where he could now see the Fire Mage trying to stagger to his feet. The entire Cathedral rattled with the force of the impact, but Freed was blind to it, terror and horror gripping him as he heard Laxus shouting.

“Just die already!”

_No. Don’t do it! Laxus, please…_ Why wouldn’t the words come when he needed them? Was it because he had stayed quiet for so long? Fear? He didn’t know, all he knew was that he was locked in place, barely aware of the other two moving to join him as Laxus hauled Natsu up out of the rubble, no hesitation or mercy showing in his expression as he blasted the Fire Mage across the length of the Cathedral roof. “There is no way you can possibly defeat –.” Freed’s heart sank, knowing that Laxus was right, but Natsu was stirring, trying to push himself upright again even though it was clear that he could barely move.

“Natsu!”

“The guild doesn’t belong to you. Think hard…Laxus!”

Freed knew even before Laxus shouted that it wasn’t going to be enough, it was there in the rigid lines of the Dragon-slayers body. “Silence!” Lightning built around him, the pressure detectable even from the ground as he lashed out at Natsu, not caring that the Fire Mage hadn’t even made it back to his feet. “Thunder Dragon: Demolition Fist!” The impact caused the Cathedral shake again, more stone falling from the roof and clattering on the ground around them, but Freed couldn’t move, eyes locked on the scene above them as the dust and smoke cleared to reveal Natsu sprawled on the ground in front of Laxus. “You’ve got another thing coming if you think you can lecture me, a small fry,” Laxus was triumphant, and Freed felt as though he was looking at a stranger. This wasn’t the Laxus he knew. Although, maybe he was the one who had changed too much, softened by his doubts, and having his eyes opened, the distance between them growing between them by the second, leaving Freed floundering as he realised that he couldn’t stop this.

That he couldn’t stop Laxus.

_I’m so sorry Laxus,_ he thought about to close his eyes, the failure a leaden weight that was too much for him to bear in that weight. A startled gasp from beside him stopped him, his eyes darting to Levy and then back to Natsu as he slammed his fist into the ceiling, breathing heavily as he lifted his head to look at Natsu, before trying to push himself up once more.

“He’s still going to stand up to him?” Freed whispered. It was no use, Natsu was barely able to move let alone stand, and Laxus had barely been touched, his rage still burning bright, and yet there was no hesitation in Natsu’s movement. If he was afraid, it didn’t show, and Freed’s hands turned into fists. _How can he do what I can’t do?_ He asked himself, a roaring sound flooding his ears as Natsu made it to his feet, wavering and barely upright.

“Don’t, Natsu…!”

 _I have to stop this!_ Freed realised, hearing Levy’s frightened whisper and seeing an echo of the same dread pounding in his heart on Gajeel’s face, mind racing and fingers already moving through the air in front of him, searching for the last dredges of his magic, knowing that he would only have one attempt…to do what? He didn’t have a clue how he was supposed to stop this, not sure that anything could stand in Laxus’ path now as the Dragon-slayer erupted at Natsu’s continued defiance.

“Damn brat! I’ll completely obliterate you!” A chill swept over him as he recognised the magic forming around Laxus, the pressure enough to steal his breath even at this distance. It was devastation given form, and he lunged forward.

“Stop, Laxus!” Freed shouted, desperate, trying one last time to reach the Dragon-slayer with his words as Natsu’s eyes widened as he felt the strength of the magic. “If you use that magic against Natsu now…!” _You’ll kill him,_ he thought but didn’t say, ice gripping his heart as Laxus didn’t even flinch at his voice, and instead started to laugh, a dreadful, inhuman sound that rocked Freed to his core. _Who have you become, Laxus?_ He thought, wondering just how blind he had been, his fingers trembling as he finished the runes that he had been writing, realising that there was only one thing left for him to do. _I’m sorry Laxus, I can’t let you do this…_

“Thunder Dragon: Heavenward Halberd!”

Freed sprang skywards, wings barely visible in the air behind him, his magic wavering and threatening to flicker out with each frantic beat. _Please, just a little longer._ The lightning was building, roaring as it rushed towards Natsu who was helpless as he fell to one knee, his body failing him. Freed’s body was burning, inside and out, drawing on magic that he didn’t have left, heart aching and breaking as Laxus released the attack without the slightest hesitation, Levy and Gajeel shouting behind him.

He couldn’t stop, and Laxus was too far gone.

Freed hurtled into the path of the attack, wings failing a split second before the full force of the lightning struck him, and there was no way for him to remain silent as Laxus’ magic tore through him. It felt as though he was being shredded inside and out, and he screamed his back arching, as the lightning crackled around him angry and hungry, seeking to break, to destroy. The weak defensive runes he’d thrown up around himself shimmering and shattering, no match for the lightning, but it gave him the moment that he needed to look for Laxus, to meet the wild, glittering gaze for a split second before he was falling. He had no magic left to catch himself, beyond empty, something in his chest torn and broken, and for a moment he felt the roof beneath him, but his balance was off, and he had no strength to catch himself. Not even sure if he wanted to at that moment. Catching a fleeting glimpse of Natsu’s eyes wide with horror, mouth open, and of Laxus frozen mid-step, the glistening lighting in his gaze giving way too blue once more, before he was gone, the ground rushing up to meet him.


	2. Chapter 2

“Thunder Dragon: Heavenward Halberd!”

Laxus had been blind to everything else at that moment. In some distant part of his mind, he had heard the screams from the ground, and Freed’s voice rising above them all, pleading with him to stop. But his focus was on Natsu, triumph cutting through everything else as he released the magic, watching as the other Dragon-slayer fell to one knee. It would be over soon. The battle, the doubts that had blossomed with the failure of Fairy Law… it would all be over, and when it was, he would be Laxus. Not Makarov’s Grandson, or Ivan’s son, but Laxus.

 _Disappear,_ he thought, meaning more than just Natsu…

Then Freed was there, hurtling into the path of the attack just before it could hit Natsu. _What…_ Laxus found himself lurching forward, as the familiar purplish wings flickered and faded, leaving Freed at the mercy of his magic, in the midst of attack meant to destroy everything that it touched. _Freed…_ The lightning wasn’t his anymore, released into the wild, he couldn’t rein it in as it tore into the other man, dancing across his body and burrowing deeper, tearing an agonised scream from Freed as he arched back amid the magic. Runes glimmered to life, before shattering, no match for the fury in the lightning, and for a fleeting moment, Freed seemed to look directly at him. Letting him see everything – the pain, the fear…the worry, and something else. Something that Laxus didn’t deserve and his breath caught.

_Freed, what have I…_

Freed was falling now, making no effort to catch himself, and for a moment Laxus thought that it was going to be okay. That the roof would break his fall. It didn’t and Laxus’ rage, was like a candle flame being snuffed out, as horror swept through him as Freed continued to plummet, rushing towards the ground. He lunged forward, already knowing that it was too late.

That he had waited too long.

_Freed…_

Below, Gajeel had moved too, throwing himself forward to break Freed’ fall, the two of them landing in a tangle of limbs, Freed unmoving as he sprawled on top of the Dragon-slayer and Laxus faltered at the edge of the roof. Relief crippling him, locking him in place, and with it a sickening, sinking feeling of guilt. “Freed…” He whispered, knowing that there was no one else to blame for this, the full weight of it settling over his shoulders as he watched Gajeel sitting up, and Levy moving to help with Freed. The former’s eyes darting to him, a snarl appearing as Gajeel climbed to his feet, letting Levy support Freed as she settled the Rune Mage’s head in her lap, and instead stepping between them and Laxus.

Standing between him and Freed, as though he was the threat here.

 _I am,_ he thought, just as there was a furious snarl from behind him, and with difficulty, he tore his gaze away from Freed and turned to face Natsu, just as flames erupted around the other Dragon-slayer. There was a flicker of his earlier rage. Why wouldn’t Natsu give up? Why did everyone keep fighting him, even when it was clear that he was going to win?

_Why did Freed step in the way…?_

As quickly as the anger had reappeared, it disappeared. _Because it was the only way I was going to listen,_ he realised, answering his own question. Without the rage clouding his thoughts, clarity came, and all he could see was Freed standing in the doorway, leaning on the frame and smiling with relief, as he told Laxus what was truly in his heart. Freed had been relieved that he’d failed, that he cared…and Laxus hadn’t listened. He hadn’t listened then, or when Freed had told him to stop. He had forced Freed’s hand. His hands fell to his side, eyes blue and clear once more as he faced Natsu, and bowed his head, accepting the judgement in the burning gaze, as he felt Natsu’s magic rising, building and exploding as the Natsu charged at him.

 _I’m sorry Freed,_ he thought as Natsu’s first blow landed, forcing him back, and he bit back the urge to fight back, the rage that even now was trying to build up again. He’d already done enough. _I…_ Natsu was as relentless, as he had been, fighting for the guild…for Freed…and Laxus let himself be swept away by the force of the other Dragon-slayer’s attacks.

*

“That magic, it shatters dragons’ scales, frightens them to their core, and reaps there very souls…” Levy whispered, watching the fight – if it could even be called that anymore - raging above them, her fingers gently brushing through Freed’s hair, as she looked to Gajeel who was still stood protectively over them. A physical shield in case Laxus’ rage turned towards them again.

“The Dragon Slayer Secret Arts…!” Gajeel finished, meeting her gaze for a moment as he risked a glance over his shoulder, but then his attention swung back to the fight, and she could see his hands clenching and unclenching, as though he wanted nothing more to join the battle, but he didn’t move.

Levy looked down as she felt Freed move, shifting just a little in her lap, and she was just in time to see his eyes flicker open. She smiled down at him, but he didn’t have eyes for her, instead, his gaze as unfocused, before he blinked as his attention was drawn to the fight above them. “Laxus…” He whispered, too many emotions for her to name in that single word, and then he was moving. Trying to push himself up on trembling arms, that refused to support him, a strangled noise slipping free as his body protested his efforts.

“Freed!” She yelped, catching him as his arms wavered and gave way, wrapping her arms around him when he immediately tried to move again. “No, you shouldn’t move,” she admonished, knowing that the fact that she was easily holding him in place was a bad sign, not wanting to think about what injuries might be hidden out of sight, or what damage he was doing by trying to move.

“B-but…” Freed protested, voice little more than a whisper of sound, blood bubbling in the corner of his mouth and Levy’s heart clenched in fear.

“He’s taking it for you,” she told him, her voice louder than intended, panic bleeding through. Still, either her tone or words caught his attention as Freed blinked up at her, and she tried to smile for him, not wanting him to see the fear, the dread that rose as more blood trickled down his chin. “He…after you fell the fight went out of him, and he hasn’t lifted a hand to defend himself…” It wasn’t absolution, she wasn’t the right person to give Laxus that, but it was something…an acknowledgement that something had changed, that Freed’s actions had changed the outcome, and Freed seemed to realise that, not quite relaxing, but sinking back into her lap, the fight draining out of him as his gaze returned to the fight above him.

“…I should have stopped him sooner…” She almost missed the whisper between the sound fighting from above and the fact that his voice was trickling away. Fading with his consciousness as he visibly fought to keep his gaze on the fight and his eyes open. She saw Gajeel opening his mouth, possibly to agree or maybe to offer comfort, but she didn’t quite trust which it was going to be and shook her head.

“You stopped him, that’s all that matters right now.”

She could see that he didn’t believe her, and she wondered how long he had doubted, how long he had been waiting for the chance to speak up. _Too long,_ a part of her thought, but she kept that thought buried, opening her mouth to say something, anything that might comfort him when there was a triumphant roar from above them. The words dying on her lips, as the heat of Natsu’s flames reached even them, as his final devasting attack sent Laxus flying.

“Laxus…” Freed jerked upright, fear and worry…and a painful relief bleeding into his voice as he watched Laxus tumbling through the air, and for a moment it looked as though he was going to follow Freed over the edge. However, his body hit the roof and rolled, coming to a halt just before gravity could seize hold of him and pull him over, and Freed wheezed out a sigh of relief, wavering as the last bit of colour drained from his face and he listed to the side.

“Freed?!” Levy had been caught off guard by his sudden movement, but now she was at his side again, trying to steady him. “Gajeel, help me!” Whatever, strength Freed’s fear had given him was gone now, and it was taking him with it, and Gajeel had barely turned towards them before he slumped completely, slipping under with Laxus’ name on his lips.

_****_

Makarov felt every bit his age and then some as he studied his grandson. Natsu had inflicted a lot of damage, although not more than had been dealt to him and Laxus would be feeling the effects of this battle for a while, and he had mixed feelings about that. Part of him, the part that looked at the man on the bed and could still see the young, bright-eyed boy he’d been wanted to see him healed, to know that he wasn’t in pain. Another larger part of him hoped that this loss and the resulting pain would serve as a lesson, one of many that Laxus needed to learn. He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as he knew that the rest of the lessons lay with him and the decision he didn’t want to make, and with the one other person that he hoped that Laxus would listen to, and his gaze drifted to the curtains that currently hid the next bed from sight.

_Freed…_

This was not the end he had envisioned when he’d pulled aside the young Rune Mage that Laxus had chosen to befriend and asked as a grandfather rather than a guild master for Freed to watch over his headstrong grandson. Somehow, he doubted this was what either of them or Evergreen and Bickslow had envisioned. The latter pair had been sent off to rest and clean up, although he doubted that they would do much of either, having seen their worry for Freed and Laxus, and their wariness when he had come to sit with Laxus, no doubt waiting for their punishment, but willing to risk it to see their friends. That at least had brought some comfort, because he knew that they had a future in the guild, that they and Freed, needed to be here and to see their ties gave him hope that, that was the right decision to make. _But Laxus…_ With a heavy heart, he turned his attention back to Laxus just in time to see his grandson stirring, brow furrowing as the pain registered, before his eyes flew open and he jerked upwards with a groan.

“Freed?!” He shouldn’t have been relieved to hear the worried, panicked question, and yet for that to be Laxus’ first thought gave him hope that the boy wasn’t as lost as he’d feared. He just wished that he’d had better news to give him, as he tilted his head towards the curtained bed next to them, waiting for Laxus to register the fact that he was there, and where he was indicating. “Is he…?”

“He hasn’t woken up yet,” Makarov replied, voice grave, refusing to shield Laxus from this even if he’d wished that he had better news to give him. “Porlyusica said that it might take a day or so and that he will be on bed rest for at least a week.” Laxus’ eyes grew wider with each word, and by the time Makarov had finished, he was halfway out from under the covers, only to falter when Makarov lifted a hand. “You can see him shortly, but first we need to talk.”

“But, I…” Laxus started to protest, and then something flickered across his face, realisation and understanding and then something akin to grief as he settled back on the bed, although his eyes kept flickering towards the curtains.

“Do you realise what you’ve done?” Makarov asked after a moment, seeing Laxus flinch at the question, and look everywhere but at the curtains or him, and he straightened. This he couldn’t protect Laxus from, and neither of them could hide from what had happened, or what had to happen now. “Look me in the eye.” Unpleasant echoes of another conversation echoed with each word he said, the past pressing close, and then falling back as Laxus did what his father hadn’t been able to do and met his gaze.

“Yes,” Laxus’ voice was thick, guilt and other more complicated emotions colouring his voice. _He’s not his father,_ Makarov thought with a pang of relief. It might not change what he had to do now, but it meant that there was a chance, for Laxus, for them, and he had to cling to that hope, even as it dimmed a little as he realised that Laxus was focused on the direction of Freed’s bed again.

“I don’t mean just with Freed.” _Although that is bad enough…_

“I know,” Laxus murmured, meeting his gaze again and Makarov could see that he did. _But did he really understand what that meant? What the guild meant? What Fairy Tail was supposed to be?_

“Our guild is a gathering place for friends, it’s a job agency, and it’s even family in the eyes of kids with no one to call their kin. It is not yours to own,” he said, leaning forward, still holding Laxus’ gaze. Seeing the wince that greeted his words, and giving it a moment to make sure that the words had sunk in before he continued, trying to keep his voice as steady as possible, even as it felt as though his heart was breaking as he crept closer and closer to the words he didn’t want to say. “Our guild is formed by the trust and loyalty of each individual member. It has grown into a bond far stronger and more resolute than anything else. You broke that loyalty and threatened the lives of your comrades. This is absolutely unforgivable.”

“I know…” Laxus whispered, forcing his gaze away from the curtains separating him from Freed. “All I wanted was to make this guild even stronger…” Or at least that was he had told himself in the beginning, but now with a cleared head and guilt gnawing at him, he wasn’t sure if that was all that he had wanted. Or, when he had slipped and become focused on power, on his power, on making a name for himself as something other than Makarov’s grandson and Ivan’s son.

_When did I lose my path?_

He had never doubted his path, not even once, or at least not that he could remember. The first flicker had been just for a moment, when Fairy Law had failed, the magic seeing a part of him that was hidden. Not just from the world, but from himself, buried under layers of anger and denial, and the lingering confusion of a child who didn’t understand why things had changed, and why his family had torn itself apart. For a moment, he had seen what he was doing, the lie he had built for himself. He’d faltered, just for a moment when Freed had stepped forward and told him the truth, and he’d known that it was the truth. Had known that for all the hero worship and loyalty, Freed would never lie to him and for the first time he’d doubted, and it had hurt.

Anger had been easier.

A burning fury that he had nurtured knowingly or unknowingly for far too long, and that Natsu had been only too happy to add fuel to by standing in his path. An obstacle that could be overcome, unlike the gnawing, aching doubt that he hadn’t been able to completely banish. And so he’d lost himself in the storm. Pushing forwards on a path that could only lead to destruction, whether his or the guild’s and knowing that if he looked back, he would see the doubts, the cracks spreading through his plans and his certainty. He would hear Freed’s words and see the small smile that had slipped out as the Rune Mage had given voice to the truth in his heart.

At that moment, he had allowed himself to be a coward and look where it had got them.

_I could have stopped then, I should have stopped then,_ he thought looking down at his hands which had fisted into the covers, remembering the power that had gathered, crackling in his hands. Magic that he could never have imagined turning on the Raijinshuu, let alone Freed, and now he had, and he felt sick to his stomach. He knew that it was his actions against the guild that he was to be judged for, but right then, all he could see was Freed throwing himself into the path of his attack and then falling…

“… You need to relax a little.” It took him a moment to realise that Makarov was still talking to him, and longer still to focus on him, torn between wanting to laugh at the words – the gentle admonishment and advice that he didn’t deserve, and throw up at the thought of relaxing when Freed was… when he could have killed Freed. “Do so, and you’ll begin to see things you were once blind to. You’ll begin to hear things you were once deaf to. Life is much more enjoyable than you think.” _Not without Freed,_ Laxus found himself thinking, but there was truth in the rest of what Makarov was saying. How long had he been deaf to Freed’s worries and doubts? To Ever and Bickslow? Had they spoken out against his plan? Voice doubts? He couldn’t remember them doing so, but that didn’t mean anything, and his stomach churned at the realisation that he had allowed himself to block them out along with the rest of the world.

“…I’m sorry,” he said, not sure if the apology was for the unconscious mage in the next bad, for their teammates wherever they were, to the guild he had hurt so badly, or to the aged figure in front of him, bowed low with the weight of what Laxus had done. Makarov inclined his head at the apology, but it didn’t ease his frown or the lines that hadn’t been there before all this had happened, and Laxus closed his eyes and bowed his head, knowing that it wasn’t enough.

“I felt happy to be alive, watching you grow. It wasn’t important to me if you were strong or if you were smart. The only thing that mattered was that you were full of life. Laxus…you are hereby out of the guild!” The pain in Makarov’s voice as it rose at the end cut deep, deeper than the words that Laxus realised he had been half-expecting and he swallowed around a sudden lump in his throat. _I threw it all away, and for what?_ He didn’t have the answers, didn’t know what his path had been, let alone what it was supposed to be now, and his gaze shifted back to the curtains as a sudden panic rose in his chest.

“…Freed?” He couldn’t leave without at least having a chance to talk to him, to apologise for what had happened, for all his failings. He didn’t know if Freed could or would forgive him, but he at least wanted him to know that he was sorry for how it had ended.

“For Freed’s sake, you can stay until he is recovering,” Makarov replied. Laxus opened and closed his mouth, wanting to protest but knowing that it was more than he deserved, even as the thought of leaving before Freed was completely back on his feet left a leaden feeling in the pit of his stomach. _At least I will have the chance to apologise,_ he told himself, forcing his grip on the covers to relax as he nodded gratefully, knowing that he could have been banished immediately.

“What will happen to them?” He asked, instead of the protest stuck in his throat. “To Freed, and Evergreen and Bickslow.” His team, his comrades… his friends. The people he had hurt and failed more than any others, because he had pulled them into this madness without a second’s thought for what they might want or need beyond the four of them, hands fisting again, as he remembered Freed’s relief at Fairy Law failing.

“They still have a place here,” Makarov said, and Laxus bowed his head. Deep down he knew that Freed and the others had always had a deeper connection with the guild than he’d had, even before he had seen Freed’s relief at realising that Laxus cared for them too. More than that, it eased a burden – fairly or not – from his shoulders, to know that he hadn’t ruined their futures completely, even as his heart twisted as he read the double meaning in that reassurance. They had a future and a place with Fairy Tail, and for now and the foreseeable future at least, Laxus didn’t, and he had to fight back an all too familiar flicker of rage that sprang to life far too quickly in his chest. A part of him wanting to rail against the decision, and he closed his eyes and breathed deeply as he forced it back and instead focused on the relief.

“Thank you…”

“Sit with Freed,” Makarov said, waving off the ‘thank you’ and if his eyes were suspiciously damp, then Laxus knew better than to mention it, knowing that he had hurt his grandfather more than anyone. “Listen to what he has to say when he wakes up, and say what you need to say and then…”

“I know,” Laxus whispered. _Leave,_ the word hung heavy and unspoken between them, echoing with Makarov’s footsteps as he rose and moved away to the other side of the infirmary, back towards the bed he probably wasn’t supposed to even be out of yet. Laxus waited until he was out of sight, weighed down by the words that had been spoken, and those that hadn’t, many that he couldn’t even work out how to say before he finally moved.

Sliding out of the bed, he hissed as every one of his injuries made themselves known at once. _Natsu was stronger than I expected, they all were…_ His failure, his misunderstanding was written across his own body, and even if he hadn’t fought back against Natsu at the end, bowing to his judgement, he knew it was a fight he would have lost in the end, because their resolve had been stronger than his anger. _As had Freed’s,_ he thought as he took a faltering step towards the curtain blocking him from the Rune Mage. Then another and another, only to find himself hesitating in front of it as he remembered how still Freed had been in Levy’s lap, and how he’d sounded when Laxus magic had ripped through him. He wasn’t sure that he had the right to go to him, to apologise, but he had been the coward once before, and he couldn’t walk away now that he had this chance, and with a hand that trembled more than he cared to admit he reached out and pulled back the curtain.

“Freed…”


End file.
